So this is a long and ridiculous tale that at times doesn’t even seem to be real..

I started dating and ex which never works btw. And we were dating for almost four months when i went back to Vegas to visit my best friend from middleschool, and to work in her business. I was there a week and he was coming the next week. We fought for 5 hours before my flight begging me to cancel my flight but that was $940 worth of tickets and there was no way i was going to swallow that crap.

So i went and we fought till i freaked out and told him if he acted crazy one more time i was leaving him and that would be it.

So he gets there and instead of helping watch my son so i could work he stayed at the store asking my questions every ten seconds. In a more laid back store that might be fine but a customizing t-shirt business three days before Christmas i don’t think so.

So the 1st day i let it slide but get upset when he puts my son down for a 5 hour nap. When he doesn’t get naps. The next day (tuesday) I take 3 hours off of work to drive to the mountains to sow him where I went camping as a child. He was impressed by the beauty and the quietness and I was happy that he finally stopped complaining about Vegas. So we went to the store and the same thing happened I gave him a list of things he could go an do with Shaderek but he stayed at the store, and he put Shaderek down for another 5 hour nap which is too much for a 2 year old.

So it was Shadereks birthday and we went out to dinner. We went to a fancy-sh restaurant and Gwen Shadereks grandma called and I talked to her for 15 minutes. Which made Brandon furies s. At the end of the meal the messed up our bill and only charged us $15 for three hamburgers so we quickly got the cash together and threw the money down to leave. Because I understood what was going on and Angie did but Brandon didn’t het got furies for not understanding and stormed out. So we bought in the car the entire ride home. Because I didn’t talk to him at the dinner table or the ride to the restaurant. WE SPENT ALL DAY TOGTHER!! I thought it was okay to be quite for 20 minutes.. So at the table earlier Angie said she would watch Shaderek and we could go out then the next day she wanted me to go out.

So we took her up on her offer and fought the entire ride to Cadillac Ranch. We watched Angies room mate Will perform had one beer because they were 6 dollars apiece. Then went home obviously it sucked, then I got dragged into some pity sex which was ridiculous cause I was completely not in the mood.

So the next day comes I take another 4 hours off of work to show him Hoover damn we go to to work I tell him to stay home go somewhere. We got off work at 7 came home to change to go to Jeremy Cornwell play. Well I guess he annoyed and bother Angies room mate Will into watching Shaderek which it was suppose to be just an girls night out and he freaked out.

I told him I was not fighting I was a grown adult and if I wanted to go I would. He texted me 200 times saying I was a bad mother. Because this was the 2^nd time in 4 months I went out and had a few beers. He said he was calling the cops because I stole his phone. In reality I paid the deposit and the phone cost to be added to his plan.

Check stub proof!

So we got home at 2 and he’s waiting for covered in sweat and ready to fight which I am not. I don’t believe I did anything wrong. So he starts to fight and I say I’m not fighting with you.

He grabs MY PHONE and leaves. He caught a cab. I freak out because he has my phone so I turned off our debit cards. He goes to the airport and starts to call MY MOTHER at 4 in the morning. Saying I neglect Shaderek and that I abuse him. He starts texting Angies phone saying he’s going to jail.

I ignore all of this and went to bed. To wake up to my parents calling Angies phone freaking out thta I did something so terrible.  A rather huge fight with them.

So I guess Brandon gets home and the 1^st thing he does is remove 400 dollars from out account.

Proof that he overdrew the account!

When he knew that I hadn’t paid any of the bills for December.

So I freak out and call him and he tells me he doesn’t know anything about it.

He also decided to find my old phone and break the simcard. He wrote “I love u wifey” on a pair of underwear and on all the mirrors. Just weirdo shit. He then was texting me that he was moving the cars to the alley and leaving them there so that they would be towed and then he was locking my only keys in the house. Till I called my dad who called my grandma to come to my house immediately to get the key from him.

Fast forward to when I get home. I finally cleaned off all the places he wrote “I love you” and come to realize he had deleted me from his friends list.

He has my phone still and keeps it charged and was texting my friends. He logged on to my facebook account and posted a status updated pretending to be me.

He was telling his friends crazy shit and they of course ran and told me.

IM Convo

Brittney

hey what happened with u and Brandon?
2:12pmSharame

lol u got me he bounced in vegas taking my phone and taking 400 bucks out of our account
2:13pmBrittney

well he told me merry christmas on christmas and then went on bout you going out turning your phone off and him havin to watch the kid i was confused so i just said wow.
2:14pmSharame

yea i was in vegas visiting my best friend from middle school

she let us go out on tuesday and he was suppose to let us go out on wednesday

then we were suppose to go together thursday night all day friday and satuday night but that wasn’t go enough for him

*good
2:15pmBrittney

yeah i definetly got a different story lol
2:16pmSharame

oh i know he was posting things on my facebookpretending to be me

and texting all my friends from my phone bitching about the same shit

telling people he got me a ring
2:17pmBrittney

well i aske him if he was in town yesterday and if u guys made it back and he said i dont know where that dumb slut is and i was like woah but he did say he took money and your phoe
2:18pmSharame

yea he told my friends it was his money

thats fine he’ll get whats coming to him

he went as far as to break my sim card in my old phone

and write i love u all over the house like a freak
2:19pmBrittney

ah geez. did he really break his ex wife’s jaw?
2:20pmSharame

he never told me he did but his last girlfriend told me he stole 600 bucks from her

and since he stole money from me i see that very possible
2:21pmBrittney

well my aunt saw me talkn to him at kum and go one day and she said to stay away from him cuz he had done that
2:21pmSharame

i believe it then
2:22pmBrittney

we used to talk quite a bit but once he got wiith u he told me couldnt talk anymore and to delete u and melissa berrends from facebook cuz all u do is look at my page to see if he was writing on it
2:23pmSharame

i didn’t even care

he swore up and down u were too young for him and like a sister

after all the randomness thats happened to me this year i didn’t have the heart to be jealous
2:24pmBrittney

yeah i just told him it was not ta tbig of deal cuz nothin bad was on my page and that melissa works with me so i am not deleting her
2:26pmSharame

it was random now he’s just making up wild stories

he told one friend he walked the 30 miles to the airport

he old another he was going to jail for not paying the cab fair

he told another i didn’t feed him

which is funny cause my banks staement is full of resturants after he got there

he was telling people i was out fucking around when instead i went to see a band play and was buying him a chritmas present
2:28pmBrittney

yeah. o well.
2:28pmSharame

well water under the bridge now i hope he doesn’t try breaking into the house and doing anything else stupied
2:29pmBrittney

and usin gps to track where u are? thats when i was like i wouldve been done with u right then and there
2:29pmSharame

i know he keep using the locator at sprint it was weird

he has more issues than i do and thats saying alot

and writing i love u on the toilet paper creepy

Brittney

geez
Sharame

the funniest part is he deleted me off his friends list like were 15 or something
2:33pmYou are not online.
2:33pmYou are online.
2:34pmBrittney

yeah i saw that cuz now his page just says engaged and not to who
2:39pmBrittney

were do u work
2:40pmSharame

comfort care

i take care of the eldery and kids with disbailites
2:40pmBrittney

o ok
2:41pmSharame

were do u work?
2:42pmBrittney

pvillage with melissa
2:44pmSharame

oh okay
2:52pmSharame

Well thanks for keeping me in the loop his lies are getting more enteraining
2:53pmBrittney

lol o ya o and somethin bout titus johnson?
2:54pmBrittney

that ucould be with him now or somethin
2:57pmSharame

what with titus?

thats funny no i was with him before brandon

i’m single and plan on being single till i meet a normal boy if theres any left
2:59pmBrittney

lol ya i told brandon ts probly a rumor and that u would probly lay low and just do whats best for your son for now

but i g2g i will ttyl
3:00pmSharame

yea hit me up whenever

Fast-forward another week he has now started to email me saying he wants to marry me and work it out. I asked him 30 times why he stole my money. To make it better he says he’s coming over to talk about what happened. He is 7 hours late and comes in the house frozen acting like he walked here from Iowa falls when in reality I know he was at Jays. People saw him walking from his friends house. So I let him stay I cry I yell I really don’t care what he has ot say. He still never shows me this imaginary ring.

I wake up the next day after he leaves and check my computer and see he has looked up our joint account sees that there’s still 400 bucks in savings and he goes to withdraw it. Leaving me with 000 in cash till the 17^th of January. Still 2 weeks away.

So I freak and email him about 15 times then instead of answering he shoot back why was I looking up how to be a serial killer. OMG “how to be a serial killer” is a great indie time film that as Matt Grubber. An actor I have an intense crush on. So instead of thinking hay she’s looking up a movie he thinks I’m trying to be a serial killer. Really I think this boy has more mental problems than I can help him with.

So I finally put my foot down and told him he has until January 34^th to put all the money he stole back in the account and return the things he stole (gameboy ds, a game, and body jewelry)

Then we can talk about being together.

And I am really trying to stick to this. I need to grow a back bone!!

Will update with my progress!!

A copy of the voicemails he was leaving me!

Our last emails!

So Gwen and I currently have a piece of Dere’s bright pink hair that they took off him when they did the autposy. That’s fine. I keep it in a box and look in on it from time to time to make sure it’s still there. What bothers me to the core is when i where an old shirt or grab a pair of pants out of the closet, and there wrapped in the seam is a long bright pink hair. It shakes me to my center, it makes me sad and happy in weird ways. Like Derek’s watching me and yet like his haunting me. I always take the hair and whisper a little prayer depending on how i feel between i miss you i wish you were here. To i can’t beleive you did this to me, and let it blow away in the wind.

As soon as me and Gwen (Derek’s Mom) started talking about getting memorial tattoos. The first thing that popped into my head was a sparrow, and a bright pink sparrow at that.  I’ve had trouble deciding on where to place it. But I’ve come to the conclusion on my right shoulder. To hopefully launch a full arm piece.  It was a weird choice for a tattoo but after researching and finding out the sparrow is a common memorial and love tattoo. Sparrows mate forl life. Intresting huh?

Basic Sparrow Tat info:

Love and Loyalty

You may not perceive the common sparrow as the bird of love, but many people do. When sparrows mate, they mate for life. Nice idea, isn’t it? So for some people, sparrow tattoos are all about love and loyalty.

Sparrows used in this context are often tattooed in pairs. Posed together, they can symbolize a current union. Another popular design is to pose one sparrow looking forward, and one looking back. This symbolizes letting go of a past relationship, and looking ahead to a new one.
Memorials
Modify this swallow tat to a sparrow.

The ancient Egyptians believed sparrows would catch the souls of those who had died. In modern times, sparrow tats are sometimes used as memorial designs for loved ones who have left this earth. The birds can be inked holding the ends of a banner that bears the name and birth/death dates of the person being memorialized.

I’ve downloaded quite a few sparrow tattoo ideas. But i think i want to draw something. So since I havn’t had the money or time, or the lack of faboulous tattoo artist in the area. I decided to draw something out and add it to my webpage as my first post. So this is for you, the one that was annoyed but the constant clatter of the keyboard in bed, the one who thought i charged too little, and worked too hard.

You will always be in my heart and in my head.

Always and Forever

P.B. & J.

Total Costs

Living Room
53 paint
border 15
15 couch cover
10 sheet
21 curtains
3 tv stand cover
7 lamp
12 throws
6 pillows
rugs 25
frames 14

bathroom
rugs bathroom 15
towels 14
wall hanging 4
curtains 3
36

bedroom
comforter 10
curtains 16
sheets 10
vanity 6
throw set was 7
49

total 266

Today was frustrating because i went to the grocery store, and started to feel overwhelmed because i couldn’t find hash browns or cilantro, and in a normal situation i would beg Derek to ask someone who worked there to find some hash browns. So instead of asking someone i started to panic and skipped it. Then while deciding which cheese to buy( i can’t do simple math in my head and i would ask Derek to figure it out), and i couldn’t do it. So i grabbed some random cheese and left.

While doing my monthly Quicken check up i was entering transactions from our bank accounts and i had to run threw like 30 transactions of where WE went to Red Lobster as a family, where derek bought school supplies at Wal-Mart for Jakob, like it was a happier time only a month ago. Then transactions when i was in Iowa city after viewing his body all in the same week.

These things bothered me greatly.

Today’s accomplishments:
Called DHS and gave new address.
Called the vet so sophie could get groomed : )
I organized my closet and removed all size 5′s which kinda sucks cause i now own 20 pairs of pants, and 30 pairs of 5′s in the attic.
Went to the bank to turn off automatic rent transfers
Paid the Water Bill
Switch the water into my name-which they were janky about the deposit we put down now they say there’s just transfer the deposit to my name.
Bought another baby gate so i now have three (again) and can arrange the doors correctly and shut the attic up.

So Tuesday August 18th, 2009. I was at work with Shaderek. I got a frantic call from an old school friend Kendra saying i needed to come home right away there had been an explosion. I came home to Derek on a stretcher unconscious, he was life flighted to Iowa City where he landed but didn’t live past that. I really have no clue what happened, but the rumors  need to stop not only for my sanity but for the little boys he left behind. It was not a meth lab, he did not swallow kerosene and gun powder. He was conscious when he came stumbling out of the garage but no witness that had been there trying to put him out heard him say anything that this was on purpose. I didn’t find any note. The fire Marshall is investigating and when all the labs get back we will all know more. We had his memorial on Saturday it was beautiful, if you would like a program please let me know i have a few extras. He was cremated there will be no grave to visit. We’ve divided his ashes between his mother, his first son and my son.

So I’m writing these cause I really flipping annoyed. So today I got off work early and I thought I’d knock off some errands. So drive straight to Iowa Falls and I got to the bead store at 7 and they closed at 7. I went to the coffee shop to buy Derek an overpriced foo foo coffee drink and they were closed. Drove by the scrapbooking store and yet again they were closed. So I went to derek’s work say hay for a minute and left for wal-mart. Well after wal-mart I decided I was hungry and wanted some taco johns, drove there and they closed a few minutes before I got there. Like WTF. So I drove to the Mexican restaurant, and I parked right in front of the double doors. Well I left the baby in the car because the sun had gone down and it was super windy. He was sleeping and I didn’t think it was wise to drag him into the restaurant to order something and wait 4 minutes and then leave. I left the car running. But as I said my field of vision was not obscured by anything. So I order and then a fat bitch walks in asking whose car is that. I say mine and she starts prattling on about how it’s irresponsible to leave a baby unattended in a car. I’m like it’s freezing out and I didn’t think it was logical to bring him in walk him up. Drag him in here for 4 minutes. The car was running, the heat was on. We live in the smallest town on the planet every winter for the past 5 years I leave the car running while running into the store, and my car has never been stolen. I leave my purse and my 200 moto q sitting on the seat and no one bothers it. So I freaked I am tired of people getting into my business when they DO NOT know me. So I’m like well that’s great I work for the state as well. I take care of children with disabilities and the elderly, and per my job description I take the children and the elderly on errands and I am allowed to leave them in the car. Your telling me an 8 year old in a full body cast could protect himself sitting in my car, while I went into the store to get him a snack. Nope. It’s the same thing I wouldn’t get his wheelchair out put him in it and then go into the store and then bring him back out to the car and put his wheelchair in the back. It makes no sense. I’m like so what in the world am I supposed to do when getting gas, when getting something from the house when I forget my phone. Unstrap him. BULLSHIT. So she’s like leaving your car running with the keys in it is like leaving a 100 dollar bill sitting on the seat. I’m like this is IOWA FALLS nothing happens here. Then I went on my rant how I love and care for animals and I don’t think its right to leave a dog tied to a chain when its negative 20 out and they only have a shitty plastic dog house to crawl into. But I don’t go banging on their door going well if I called the humane society they wouldn’t be too happy about the situation. Because I don’t stick my fucking nose it anyone else business. I don’t care I take care of me and mine. I don’t have enough energy to care about other people’s problems. So that is that I feel better and I hope all fat annoying bitches can keep their opinion to their self for just a few more days, or I’m going to lose it.

So i had a few minutes before work today and i thought i would show off the new color.

So this is old blonde with chocolate highlights that washed out after a few weeks.

12/9/2008

Now this turned out awesome Justin did it. I bleached the top and then went back threw and did the choclate, red and then rebleached highlights.

1/18/2009

This is what happens when you wash your hair without separating the blondes out, and some regrowth. So blah…

2/4/2009

So i decided that i was going to go crazy and dye 70% blonde and have the really dark underneath part. The two tones look is super cute. So this is the first application of the blonde which i did by myself which turned out decently for the length of hair and the multiple dyes, and the dark color anyway.

3/11/2009

Then i had a friend of mine Julie hook me up and we used some protein filler, and then a blonde hair dye to work as a toner. I did buy a golden blonde instead of the blue ash blonde i normally get. But you can see how much blonder it got.

3/23/2009

Gotta straighten it and take a few pics. But i wasn’t happy with my underneath mainly because 30% of it was blonde from past highlights and stuff. So i bought a dark dark one shade away from black brown and dyed it brown. I also touched up my roots. Yea being a brunette means you have to touch up your roots like every 2 weeks. But it wasn’t too bad i thought i got them all and then when i dried my hair this morning i noticed a random patch. Which sounds about right for me. But oh well i’ll let it sit and then in a few weeks make sure i hit that spot specifically. And no my hair is not falling out. No more than normal.

And i’m done well for this month!!

: )

M
3/24/09

So what’s going on around here.

Labor day was kinda uneventful, chill days. Went out to my mothers to bury some plaster we pulled from the living room. Yea were going to get rid of the sliding glass door, and the old windows. For some new windows. YAY Plaster sucks dust everywhere.

Mom took the baby for the night. He’s first night away from us. But it’s cool, i can clean up the house and sit on the computer like most nights.

Dogs are good, Venna and Sophie have been going rounds, lately.

Finished painting the basement, from top to bottom, still freaking sore. Trying to come up with idea on how to paint the basement floor. I wanna make like a colorful rug.

Baby is good, can basically crawl, trying to walk, stands up on everything he can get his hands on. He eats anything and everything you put in front of him. Loves his cereal puffs. Drinks juice out of his sippy cup. Babbles but not really putting syllables together. We went and got his pictures taken and they were really cute he smiled in all of them and showed his two teeth. So those should be done soon so we can pick them up.

Getting ready to take our trip out to vegas. (10th to 14th) I really don’t want to take the baby on the plane but thats what i get i guess.

It’s beautiful here now, sitting on the porch just chillin’ No beer, cause i’m too lazy to go to the store. Another day maybe.

Just got done baking some garlic cheddar biscuits, like the ones from red lobster. Delicious.

Just got a new game for the ds Scooby doo. Which brings my collection up to 4 Scooby doo games. lol It’s really cute. I have no gamer skills. But i’m working it.

I guess that’s all for now. Not too much going on.

After the pitbull montage. I just want to state stupid people should be shot or fixed just like dogs.

This is why i know every dog is different, every breed is different, just like you and me.